http://i397.photobucket.com/albums/pp51/chiambisu/chibi3Kopie.png

^^ I have to redline this.

Chicken Smoothie Survival Guide (Parody edition!)

So, you just joined Chicken Smoothie and are overwhelmed at how... large and full of trolls it is. Never fear! Maus is here to clear up some basic things for you.

1. Never, ever, ever use the trading system. And by that I mean... ever. By not using it at all you avoid key problems such as:

--- a) You avoid getting scammed. By the hundreds of people on CS with far too much time on their hands whose sole reason for living is scamming newbies out of potentially valuable pets.

--- b) You avoid accidentally sending someone a really crappy offer and getting your head lawnmowed off.

--- c) You avoid having to ever come into contact with the undereducated people who frequent the "Is this a fair trade" thread on the forums. Don't ask them for advice. Very few of them have any idea about what they're talking about.

Let's put it this way, you probably don't have any pets of value right now, so there's no sense trying to trade for older pets until your pets grow. In the meantime, enter art contests (if you can draw) or freebie giveaways (if you have an amazing amount of patience and the ability to put up with people who simply don't want to give you your free pets).

2. Properly use the adoption system. There are two rules of the adoption system and they are as follows:

---a) Always adopt the full limit of each blanket. Because how else are you going to have a proper shot at actually getting the outcomes you want? Let's face it, people exist who like to say "I only collect what I like *smugface*" but in reality, they do adopt the entire set and then sit on their giant hoard of trades while "collecting" whatever's rarest. Seriously.

---b) Don't trade ANYTHING until it's grown. There's nothing worse than trading someone something and then having that particular outcome grow into something rare. Trust me, I know. You'll be facepalming for weeks.

3. Nobody wants to hear your opinion. I'm serious, they don't. If your opinion happens to differ from the opinions of the masses (i.e. everything on the site is KAWAIII DESU NEEE) then they'll lynchmob you. That is, unless you happen to be someone in a position of power. Then they just change their opinions to match said powerful person. Here are some things not to talk about:

--- a) Don't diss any of the pets if it looks like people like them. No matter how much you hate that pet, don't do it. Not only are you committing a treasonous act by insulting something that was made on the oh-so-sacred CS lineart, by saying "I don't like such and such" you are also gravely wounding the artist who made it. Sure, it might look like said artist was eating magic mushrooms at the time, but keep your opinions to yourself.

---b) Likewise, don't defend an outcome people hate. If everyone detests it just keep quiet about it. The CS members are odd people.

--- c) Do not question the artist's originality (this also applies to non-CS staff artists). The entire site is batshit insane in regards to art theft, and a mere "Hey I think we already had a litter like this" will send them into a feeding frenzy.

---d) Never, ever, ask "Where is *insert artist's name here*'s pets."


4. Do not participate in auctions. Auctions are a very good deal for one person only: The person with the uncommon pet they are selling as rare for exorbitant prices simply because someone might want to buy it. Some things you might want to look out for are below:

--- a) People helping their friends. The minute someone swoops in to help their friend, back out of the auction. There is no way you're going to win an auction with people whose "friends" bid insane amounts of pets and add more every few milliseconds.

--- b) Auto-buys. These are NEVER fair. If you see there are auto-buys for the pet you want and you have said pets, don't bother auto-ing. Generally an auto-buy will be several times more rare than the pet the auctioneer is offering, which is why it is an auto. The auctioneer knows that they won't get anything higher than said auto, so then they would close the auction immediately.

--- c) Auctioneers who don't know their rarities.


5. Never browse the oekaki section. You're liable to be mind-raped.

6. Never ask other users for help. Likewise, don't accept help from users you don't know. In general they want something in return.